I have had enough!
As the smell of ammonia hits my nostrils and the fumes hit my eyes and my scalp starts to itch, I decide I have had enough.
Enough of the toxic chemicals sitting on my scalp for 40 minutes, every two weeks. Enough time spent at the hairdresser, enough money.
I have had my roots “done” (i.e. the grey hairs covered up by dye), in Thailand, Spain, France, Nicaragua, Sri Lanka, Bali, Laos, India and Viet Nam … Anywhere we have spent more than 3 weeks at a time, over the past 15 years. And with mixed results, I might add. In India, my hair went shoe polish black instead of brown, and in Viet Nam, I need to return for a redo when the dye doesn’t take.
As I sit in the hairdresser’s chair in Hoi An, I start wondering what my natural hair, without the dye, would look like. Is it salt and pepper, or is it all white now?
I consider what I do to be as healthy as possible, by way of eating fresh greens, vegetables and fruit; limiting gluten, dairy, meat, sugar, caffeine, processed foods; doing yoga and meditation, using natural products to stay away from chemicals, always investing in my health… it strikes me that this focus on health should extend to my scalp and hair too.
I do a bit of research. Recent studies show a link between hair dyes and breast cancer. ‘Been there, done that. Not interested in a repeat.
Ten years ago, if you had asked me if I would consider letting my grey hair show by not coloring my roots, I would have laughed you out the room. Hell no, I was not ready for grey hair. Grey hair makes one look older. But, things change… and with me, things can change quickly.
Suddenly the trade-off between toxic chemicals and looking younger, just doesn’t feel right anymore.
Grey hair and wrinkles are a normal and natural part of ageing, even though society would have us believe that these are undesirables. I have never used botox, filler, or had a face lift. Mostly because I am too scared to shoot anything into my face or to have elective surgery for a face lift. I have earned my wrinkles. They show a life well-lived. Now I am thinking, I have earned my grey hair as well…
I’m ready for a fresh start on the hair front. A return to my natural hair, whatever that might now be.
~~
Now that I have made a decision to stop the hair dye, I face two challenges. The first is how best to do this transition to natural hair? And the second obstacle is, well, Ben.
Ben, like most men I know, likes long hair. Over the years, every now and again, I’ve floated the idea of cutting my hair short, but each time Ben categorically said, “Nooo, Not happening”. Fine, it wasn’t that important to me. He was clearly more attached to my long hair than I was. In relationships, we learn to make compromises, or trade offs. So I would postpone the inevitable and tell him “One day, I AM going to buzz it all off!”
While I am pondering how to go about this transition, an image shows up on my instagram feed of a woman with long hair growing her roots out. And then more images… This process of hair growing out slowly, creating a two toned head of hair, skunk like, is not for me. I am way too impatient for a drawn out process and I don’t particularly like how the skunk look. Nope. The only way to do it, for me, is to buzz it all off and start afresh.
I send a note to two of these #silversisters, as I am curious to know why they don’t just buzz all their hair off rather than go through the painstakingly long process of growing out the color? In both cases they say that they are attached to having long hair and also that they are not brave enough to cut it short or buzz it off.
Brave? I can do brave. The rebel in me stirs up…
After having breast cancer in 2005, buzzing all my hair off just doesn’t seem like that big a deal. It’s hair. It grows. I have always embraced change and not feared it. I am actually excited about this hair journey and embarking upon it.
Now. Ben.
I show him the research about the dangers of hair chemicals. Information that I, myself, have conveniently ignored for years. I inform him of my decision to buzz it all off. One shot. Boom. Done. Moving on…
“Noooo” he protests vehemently. He gets the aversion to toxic chemicals but thinks my approach is way too radical. “You want to both shave your hair all off AND go grey, all at once?” Okay, maybe I need to rethink my approach. Together we come up with a strategy. A three step process.
First step will be to get my hair cut short while we are in the U.S. visiting family in a few weeks, and keep coloring it. And then, once we have both adjusted to the short hair concept, the next step will be to stop with the dye and as the roots become visibly grey, and finally, buzz it all off and start afresh with natural hair. Ben is a little nervous about this whole thing. Supportive in concept, nervous in reality.
~~
Fast forward to Chicago. I select a meaningful day, loaded with personal symbolism. I go to the salon I frequented when we lived in the hip urban neighborhood of Wicker Park. My instructions : “Short with an undercut. Edgy. Not conservative. Easy. Asymmetrical.”
It’s quite a dramatic change, but I like it. It feels light and has the edgy asymmetrical look I wanted.
I get mixed reactions from family members, with the most apt comment coming from my daughter-in-law who keeps saying “Who ARE you?”, looking at me in disbelief.
A Jewish family doesn’t hold back when it comes to opinions, about anything. No polite niceties. So I get the full range from “I don’t really like it” to “it looks super cute, looks great”. And funniest comes from one of my sons, who had just had a too-short buzz cut: “Well, at least no one is going to be talking about MY hair now!” before the evening family get together. Some suggestions of how it could be improved upon and look better. It’s fun to see the wide range of reactions.
The asymmetrical look has an unexpected feature. When I wake up in the morning, my hair has a strange life of its own. Ben has taken to calling out “cuckatooooo” endearingly, every morning when we wake up.
~~
Back home in Viet Nam, the reaction from locals who know us: “Oh you cut your hair for Tet!” (Vietnamese New Year at the end of January when everyone cleans house, buys new clothes and gets their hair cut.) I tell them, “Yes, for Tet.” This makes them all pleased with me.
About three weeks later, and a lot of grey is now visible. Second step of the planned process: stop the dyeing process and welcome the grey roots.
About two more weeks and the time has come to implement the third and last step of my metamorphosis.
“Ready for the big buzz?” Ben asks me. “Ready!”
There are not many hairdresser/salons in Hoi An. As I look online to find one, I decide to go to a barbershop for guys instead. After all, they are the ones that know how to yield a buzzer.
The barbershop is full of young guys, both Vietnamese and foreigners waiting for their turn to get buzzed. Not another woman around. Finally, it’s my turn.
“Buzz it all off!” I declare emphatically.
“NO, NO,” he says, in his thick Vietnamese accent, “ You will look like BOY. No good. I make you look like woman. Not boy. ”
No amount of insistence on my part convinces him to just buzz it all off.
He buzzes the sides of my head as requested, and then cuts the top of my hair about an inch high ~ leaving it sticking up. “Finish. Look like woman.” He will not do more. He moves on to the next customer.
Once back home I have time to check out the cut properly. My hair looks like a carrot top!
This is not good. But I can’t go to any hairdresser or barber as I was amongst the last customers, before the New Year and now they will all be closed for ten days. Fuuuck….
“Ben. You need to buzz it off for me. Do you know how to do it?”
“Yes sure” he says confidently.
“No problem… Remember when we used to buzz Mango?”… Mango, was our Australian Shepherd!
Ah yeah, that doesn’t make me feel confident about the outcome, but… the carrot top has to go. I shove any fears about his ability aside and trust whatever he does is going to be preferable to what I currently sport. (Note: no photo posted.)
And…. Ben buzzes it off!!
After a few days, I feel great about this metamorphosis to another version of me.
I like the ease. No brushing, no conditioning, no drying, no braiding, no weight….
I like the look (I admit, I used to have buzz envy when my sons would buzz their hair off at the start of summer), but this time, it’s ME!
I like that I was able to take the plunge and do this, without falling prey to societal (or familial) pressure. And frankly, I like the role modelling aspect as well, of acceptance of ageing. Naturally.
I do get a surprise each time I pass by a mirror though.. As in, who is this person?
And now…. Two weeks or so later, another surprise, Ben’s reaction, post metamorphosis.
“I think my gf looks RAD, HOT, STRONG, high-tech/ 21st century, CLASSY and BAD ASS at the same time! I did not expect to love how it looks. But I do. It is totally cool.”
Me: “Whew!”
Looks fabulous. Way to go! I gave up hair dye about 6 years ago.
Thanks Peggy.
I think your new look is fabulous! I like the buzzcut better than the assymetric I think, though both are great. I only used hair dye for a short time before I embraced the grey. A few years ago, I went through a phase of having coloured streaks (green or purple usually) but even that became too much effort for something that washed out in about 10 days. So I’m glad to be grey!
Anabel, “glad to be grey”… I like that!
The buzz cut is certainly the easiest hair do I have EVER had. The assymetrical one had a life of it’s own and I had to dunk my head under the bathroom sink each morning to get it to calm down.
Green or purple streaks, that’s pretty bold. Ben has always wanted me to dye my hair blue. I have NO idea why, but my response was and always is “If you want blue hair. Please, be my guest, dye your own hair blue, it will be easy with your white hair.” So far, no blue hair.. 🙂
Peta
I love it! I remarked on your shorter hair before, but I had no idea that you were planning on more changes. Good for you! I have a dear friend who lost her hair from chemo and decided to just let it grow back naturally – no more dyes to cover her grey. It is now a bit longer than yours but still short, and she looks fabulous!
I especially love that Ben has come around to see that your hair makes you look totally RAD, HOT, STRONG, high-tech/ 21st century, CLASSY and BAD ASS. One of these days, I may do it too…
Janis, I love that Ben has been so open minded to the whole process and that he really likes the buzz state, that was definitely not a predictable outcome. Thanks for such positive feedback!!
Peta
Peta I never had a doubt that this would be an ugly transition! Not only do you have the stunning face and skin tone for a buzzed head and gray hair but you exude the confidence that only buzzed hair chicas can pull off. So happy you finally made the move! Ben, isn’t she sexy?!!!
Haha Brook it IS true that you have often over the years asked me why I don’t just go grey?? Thanks for the encouragement and support along the way.
“Confidence that only buzzed hair chicas”…. Man I like that!
Ben: Yes and there is this whole new girl in my bed in the morning when I wake up!!
Haha
Whether long or short or newly buzzed, the Peta we know and love shines through. You look great! We are all wondering what shade of grey it’s going to be, when it’s long enough again to use a tape-measure. My money’s on pearl-grey. Yours?
Aw Johnny thanks for the sweet words.
I was sure I had all grey hair but now it appears with tones and designs and different shades. I am hoping for silver ultimately, so “pearl grey” would be fitting. But who knows? I may grow it out and then buzz it again. But it IS fun to see my natural tones.
Peta
Absolutely F….. Fabulous ❤️❤️❤️
Mike!!! Wow, you even wrote feedback ON THE BLOG.
Thanks darling. Now we are twins.
Can’t wait to see you SOON!!! xoxoxo
P
It only matters what you think – maybe your boyfriend – but mostly you. You’re a strong, independent person, Peta, and your hair says this too – but it did before as well.
Thank you Sharon.
I am totally with you on this one as I really am fine with other people NOT liking it. And I do enjoy seeing or reading the range of reactions to it. That said, I am glad that Ben likes it as much as I do.
Peta
Hi, Petra – Great post, and very timely for me. Five months ago, I quit dying my roots. Kinda by accident (or for lack of a better plan). From the start, Richard has been totally into me letting my hair become its natural colour. So far, the process has been slow and steady — no definite skunk line, but definite streaks of salt and peper gradually growing in. I don’t currently plan to cut my hair shorter. Although I do love both of your recent hair cuts and completely agree with Ben – totally rad!!
Donna that’s great that your growing out process is going so smoothly. Yay for Richard!!
I’ll take “rad” 🙂
Peta
You go girl. You go grey girl! Fabulous (and looks about the same from the front as when you pulled your long hair back . . .). I colored my hair for one year before I gave up the time and expense.
I go long, short, curly, straight and everything in between cuz I get bored and always want to try something new – my only criteria is that it is easy to take car of. Can’t get much easier than a buzz.
I think I like the asymetrical best but you are one of the few people I know who can rock a buzz.
Buzzzzzzz-on Peta!
I do relate to the getting bored and wanting to try something new. Finally after twenty years of the same style of long hair, mostly in a braid, I am certainly getting a range of new looks in a short time. Funny thing is, Ben SO loves the buzz, he keeps saying “I think you should keep it that way instead of growing it!” Time will tell…
Well thank you for the compliment.
Haha “buzz on” I like that!
Peta
It looks great! And think of all that effort that you’ll be spared.
It has been two months since my last coloring at a salon. I am very conscious of the time and effort that I have saved. But even more, the fact that I now have avoided 4 more toxic chemical cycles. YAY!
Peta
Awesome! Cutting it all off and having it natural is so liberating and super easy for island life!
Enjoy 🙂
Xxx
Hey Tess, yeah you know how easy short hair is. No island life right now in Viet Nam, but beach life is still where we at. SO much easier!!
xoxo
Love all your looks Peta! You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul.
Deb
Aw, Deb thank you for such positive compliments. That’s a really nice thing to say!
Peta
This is a New Yorker article – it speaks to so many women! I think there is a time in your life when you’re ready to embrace the change, embrace the freedom, embrace the wise woman underneath the 21st century accoutrements. You’ve done it beautifully – way to go!
High compliment indeed. Especially from a professional writer such as yourself! Thank you for thinking that this personal metamorphosis and story telling is worthy of the New Yorker. How cool would that be!
Peta
It looks great , sis. Welcome to the club.
Thanks. Actually, you are the only friend I know that has short, short grey hair!
Peta
Short, sassy, and no risk of brassy (as oxidizing hair-dyes can be) Love that you’ve made this leap and love your family for supporting you (with their honest feedback) along the way. Personally, I think you look marvelous (synonym for Classy Bad Ass ;-). The icing on the cake was the donation of your hair to Locks of Love.
Haha thanks Lisa!! I am totally fine with others, my family included NOT liking how my hair looked in the first cut or in this buzz. Both our mothers had strong negative reactions the first time they saw photos of my buzz. I am fine with that, it doesn’t bother me. In fact, Ben’s mom said “Auschwitz”! (A reasonable reference for her given that at 8 years old she was fleeing the nazis with her family.)
My youngest son donated his hair some years back when he too went from very long hair to a buzz! and I followed his great role modelling.
Peta
Nothing compares to you, Peta! 🙂
This is such a strong post, on many levels. Such a brave thing to do. You know, I’ve talked about buzzing it all off as well, but haven’t taken the step. I would do it for pure ease, which is why I have short hair in the first place.
Even though Mark prefers longer hair as well (this sure must be a guy thing!), I didn’t care. From the moment we lived on a sailboat in the tropics (hot and humid as you know) with little water to spare (short hair takes much less water – and shampoo – to clean, so cheaper and more environmentally friendly as well), I went with short hair and stayed with it. Now, imagine even saving money spent for occasional haircuts at Supercuts as well?! Mark uses clippers for his own hair, so we could do mine at home as well, if I went really short!
Yes, you are a role model. Yet, I’m surprised that you did put all that poison on your scalp for so long, knowing how you care about health and the environment. I like the natural look, when it comes to everything! Why do humans always have to alter the way of life, nature, the environment? I have never dyed my hair and probably never will. I think grey hair looks fabulous and I wouldn’t care how I’d look with it.
So, I have to admit that you look very different now. Yet, after seeing you like this now in a few photos, I grow accustomed to it and it does look spectacular. I can’t help but think how easy it is!! And light. And comfortable. You are how you feel, so I can imagine the slight shock each time you pass a mirror. Yet, soon, everyone – including you – will be used to it and forget how that long hair even looked like. It must have been hot in the tropics…
Thanks Lisbet for acknowledging the bravery involved. Of course I am not the first woman to buzz her hair, but bottom line, no matter how many others have done it (not the point), it still is a personal act of bravery. For sure.
Thank you for highlighting the environmental factors as well both re water consumption but also of course the pollutants from all the products.
You sum it up really well. That IS how I feel about my hair. It looks VERY different. But I have grown accustomed to it now and have adjusted to a new me. It no longer gives me a shock when I pass the mirror and Ben was just saying that he doesn’t not miss my long hair and it’s only when we see it in photos that there is a visual comparison.
Oh yes, my long hair was hot and annoying in tropical climates and I was always tying it up and trying to find ways to feel comfortable with it.
Thanks for all your thoughtful observations.
Peta
I think you looked nice with long hair, short hair, and buzzed hair! I’m glad that you found the courage to make the change. It’s your hair and you should be able to do what you like with it, although I thought it was nice that you took your husband’s feelings into consideration.
I’ve been thinking about when I want to stop dying my hair too, for the same reasons you did. Haven’t decided to quite yet, but…..
Ann, hopefully my post and my decisions will help others to have the courage to make changes of their own as well.
I figure that Ben has to look at me and my hair WAY more than I look at myself, so it makes sense that his opinion counts. Plus I have plenty of opinions about how HE looks and in fact have been cutting his hair for about ten years now.
Peta
You rock the buzz cut! Good for you. Will you keep it short or grow it long again?
#rockinabuzzcut
That’s a good question Darlene. At first, when I looked in the mirror, I told my hair “grow grow grow!” But now, I am so enjoying the buzz cut feel, and even how it looks now that I am accustomed to it, that I am not sure. I am interested to see how it grows out color wise though.
Peta
I love your new look. It looks stylish.
Thanks Sheryl. It’s good to be seen as being “stylish”.
Peta
From “Franki”:
Welcome to the team darling.
It is so wonderful not giving a fuck what anyone else thinks other than you feeling comfortable in your own skin. Love the short cut. It is so freeing having none or very little hair to worry about. I’ve been a wash and wear girl for many years now – it would be virtually impossible to go back to long hair for me and all the effort it takes to maintain it.
Adorable and I do like the androgynous look.
Ya you know me pretty well Fran!
Happy to join the short hair team. Now you can join MY new team: team grey pearl. And team buzz haha.
Didn’t think of the androgyny aspect. But now that you mention it…. For sure! As the Vietnamese barber said “you look like BOY with buzz hair cut”. Guess so. Boy/girl/ who cares?
Love ya xoxo
P
.
Peta I am clapping and cheering from afar.
Your strategy was a good one in doing a three step method. A gradual adjustment. I am with Ben I think you do look strong and bad ass. Much younger in my opinion to be honest.
I have a tiny bit of grey so do get it dyed every few months. I’m not sure when I will be ready to let it go but like you, I know the time will come.
Thanks Sue for the cheerleading. Younger? interesting…
When you need to dye your grey hair every TWO weeks, I’m guessing, like me, after a while, you will be ready. Gets rather tedious. Especially living our lifestyle and having to find new hairdressers in different countries…
Peta
I think your new do looks fabulous! Congratulations on taking the plunge.
Thanks for the feedback. Timing I think is everything and this was definitely the right time for me. I had become fed up with both long hair (especially in a tropical climate) and as well with the repeat dye process every two weeks.
Peta
Hi Peta,
Good on you! (as they say here in Australia). I still haven’t had the guts to do it though I let mine get quite a lot grey and lose the courage and zap it again. I’m working towards it … though it might take time.
I think timing is everything! When you are ready, you will know it. I also chose to buzz my hair here in Viet Nam where I am more or less anonymous, other than at my work. The buzz took more courage and leap of faith than the grey, because yes, one can always return to the dye crutch if need be. A buzz though… that’s more impactful 🙂
Peta
Looking good sis!
Great post.
Thanks Nik on both counts!
xo
P.S. he does still love me 🙂
Peta, this is so empowering and fun to read!
I’ve been lowlighting my hair for years, which is still time-consuming and expensive, but I can go a couple of months or longer because the grow-out doesn’t give me the dreaded ‘skunk’ look. If my silver hair looked good with my skin tone, I would definitely just let it go gray. Which, by the way, you look gorgeous as always! I liked your asymmetrical cut and you also look fabulous with it a buzz cut.
More than anything, I love your attitude. And good for Ben for being open to change! Eric has always liked my hair short (so weird, every man I’ve ever been with prefers my hair short, probably because it’s better with my face shape). He actually wasn’t thrilled with me growing it out to chin length a couple of years ago. But hey, I was ready for a change! And now he’s adjusted, LOL. The more hair, though, the more trouble it is. If I looked good with a buzz cut I’d do it!
I am really pleased to read that you find this post empowering and also fun to read. We both thought it had a lot of humour in it, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if the things we find funny translate that same way to readers…
Thank you for your in depth comments and the lovely compliments. For sure the move to a buzz requires a bold jump and leap of faith. Because of course I had no idea if it would look good or not ahead of time. I figured that if it looked awful, it would eventually grow out.
Peta
Peta, Peta…Radical it is! And you look great….
What I find very interesting is your thought process and the way you describe it….On top of all your talents you are a fabulous writer.
So GO GIRL…..You and your boyfriend are a very special pair…..Never boring
👏👏👏👏
JB, what a pleasure it is to read your comments on our blog. What a difference two weeks makes… from your original first response of “Auschwitz” to “”you look great!” I appreciate, as always, your (brutally) honest feedback.
Thank you for the positive feedback on the writing. It was a fun one to write, and gave us both a lot of laughs as I was writing and editing it.
“Never boring” ~ You got THAT right!
Your son, my bf, considers the “never boring”, a competitive advantage.
xoxo
Peta, I love this post for so many reasons other than the fun of watching you go through this metamorphosis.
It says so much about how we see all women, especially ones who are getting older, but who are still, as Ben says, “RAD, HOT, STRONG, high-tech/ 21st century, CLASSY and BAD ASS!” Our hair, like so many parts of us, is analyzed and judged and discussed way more than our male counterparts.
My mother never colored her hair, and it went from a dark blonde to a silver gray in a beautiful way. Because I added highlights to my own dark blonde hair, I got used to a different look and couldn’t “let it go.” Eventually when a good part of my hair would have been that same silvery gray, I started adding lowlights! So dumb! Yes, it still looks like it did when I was in my 30s and 40s, but I’m ready to leave it alone, too. I’ve been lucky to get the same pretty tone as my mom, and people have loved her hair for years. Maybe by the time I get to Vietnam, it’ll be all gray!
Also, you look great. As others have said, you pull this off beautifully with your style and pretty face! And how awesome it must be for traveling!
Lexie, pleased to see a comment which refers to the process of the metamorphosis. It is not just about the end result, but very much about the various stages, the process of change and the decisions I made along the way.
Right on! I so appreciate the broader observation about societal pressures on women with regards to their hair, their looks, their shape, clothes… One only has to look at the reactions in political arenas for elected officials who happen to be women and the focus on their hairstyle and clothing choices (Hilary Clinton), which is not an issue at all for men. The trivialization of female politicians through the over emphasis on visual appearance has been a consistent tool, conscious or unconscious on the part of the patriarchy.
Ben will keep the buzzers handy, just in case you are ready for that buzz when you get to Viet Nam, hahaha.
Thanks for the lovely words ~ I have never thought of myself as pretty, but stylish I like to think I fit that bill 🙂 Perfect haircut for our lifestyle and for travel. Damn, why didn’t I do it sooner?
Peta
Peta and Ben, The “mixed results” made me smile, Peta. I imagined all variations of colour. Interesting about Ben sharing his hair opinions. My husband plays it safe and has no opinion. Fine with whatever I do. He has thoughts although keeps it to himself. Donating your hair likely helps with the transition. I love your hair! I suspect you are mostly getting this feedback from everyone. Ben’s endearing sense of humour made me smile.
You use the perfect word, “metamorphosis.” Now a butterfly. Ultimately, it does matter what your husband thinks. I agree with Ben “it is totally cool.” Fun post taking us along the journey.
Erica/Erika, Ben is definitely not shy about sharing his opinion! He sees himself as the primary customer and therefore thinks his opinion about my hair, clothes etc is very much fair game and should be given due attention. Luckily for me, his family’s background in the fashion industry has been a wonderful asset and I do trust his taste (most of the time).
The comment about your husband playing it safe and not having an opinion brought a chuckle. Clever man.
With regards to the feedback I am getting, it really falls into two categories, which are not mutually exclusive. The first round of comments and feedback both on the post and elsewhere, has been about the shock factor. Once people get used to the look and see it a few times, then they have a different set of comments about how it actually looks ie not in comparison with how it was beforehand.
Thanks for coming along for the ride and for your interesting feedback!
Peta
There are so many things I love about this post! Congrats on your bravery with every step in the process of going short.
I agree with Ben, you look BAD ASS and beautiful! I also admire your willingness to accept aging as it happens. I am striving to do the same.
And TET, haha! As any expat knows, sometimes it’s just easier to go along with local reasoning rather than try to explain your own.
Most importantly, cheers to you surviving 2005 and living such an abundant and meaningful life. Your spirit is inspiring.
Thanks Kelly… I am not sure which one required more courage… going from long hair to shaving it all off, or going from brown to grey in a few weeks.
I have come to accept ageing, which is also a process for sure and a journey, yet, bottom line, ageing is better than the alternative. I feel privileged to be ageing. And if I can age gracefully, that’s even better. The combination of having had cancer and having lost my brother (at a young age) have both led me to appreciate life and the opportunity to age and live life consciously and meaningfully.
Kelly, so glad you caught that re TET. You put it oh so well! I knew that fellow nomads would recognise this particular spin.
Thank you.
Peta
From “Lois”:
I loved reading this P … all the photos are fab! You are the coolest ever!!
Way to go, way to tell a wonderful story, way to have the man who sees his sexy girl with her sexy style love it love it.
I am so pleased you enjoyed the read and the photos!
Glad you like the story telling part. I do like weaving a story as you know.
Thanks for the shout out to Ben!
xoxo
Love love love! WTG Peta! It looks fabulous. Is this what you meant by us being twins?
What a huge process and turn around for you, and, to a lesser extent for Ben, too.
I remember the first time I had it done in 2012. We were in India and it was stinking hot and I had no idea how to find a “salon” in the town we were in and wouldn’t have trusted them anyway so walked into a hole-in-the-wall barber. I felt so free afterwards!
Ahhh Alison YES, we have twinning hair dos these days. How long was your hair before, because I think I have only seen you buzzed!?
Definitely an interesting process and pretty radical change of look. I cannot tell you how many times i have wanted to cut all my hair off when the summer heat gets to me, especially with the humidity that comes with living in a tropical climate.
Definitely feels very freeing and so perfect for our lifestyle of being on the go and lots of time at the beach.
Peta
Living in warm climates, as you normally have, I don’t know how you’ve coped all these years with long hair, Peta. Pure freedom to let it go! 🙂 🙂 I’m lazy about going to the hairdresser but when it got hot here last summer I couldn’t wait to get it cut short. Not sure that I’ve got the bone structure to buzz, but grey through short hair is more forgiving. I was dying mine at home for many years and still have a box on the shelf, ‘just in case’, but I haven’t dyed mine since we moved here full time. People mostly say that my silvery look suits me but occasionally I catch a glimpse in a mirror and wonder where young me went. I applaud your decision. It’s a courageous move for an attractive lady.
Johanna I have had to wear my hair in a braid or tied up, all these years of living in hot humid climates, but often I would just get very annoyed with all that hair… making me even hotter.
I am aware that grey hair makes us look older, which is why for years I avoided taking the plunge. But now, I just don’t care that much. I AM older. Also for years I have looked younger than my age, so that does play to my advantage.
Ben has had grey/white hair for years, no one gives it a second thought. Pretty interesting societal norm huh?
Thanks for the accolades.
Peta
I first saw your metamorphosis on Instagram and not only loved your courage and ‘bad-ass-edness, but also all of the amazing supportive comments you received by so many women.
And now, here I am (finally) reading your blog post and seeing the same support and “Yay Peta” comments as on Instagram. I think you’ve touched a lot of buttons in us “women of a certain age” who want to feel unencumbered and also feel like we can embrace our age without it affecting how others view us (including family/spouses/boyfriends/friends/strangers).
Our sexuality is already viewed differently by society now that we’re past reproduction age. We fight that type of “invisibility” by the way we dress and by the way we “dress” our hair. Gray hair admits we’re ‘that age” (or more precisely, we’re NOT ‘that age” any more). Aging is still seen as a negative in most cultures.
So, that said, YOU ARE BUCKING the trend and saying “HERE I AM, beautiful and gray, strong and sexy and buzzed.” So I applaud you in so many ways. Will I ever be that brave? Well, as you say, what our guys think/want makes a difference in our decisions. When I suggest letting my hair go natural, my guy is all for it. Surprising. But he still likes to run his fingers through my hair, and I’ll admit, I love it when he does that. 🙂
Pamela, I am blown away by all the supportive comments and positive feedback. I was expecting more of a range of responses. I would love to hear as well from some men, other than JohnnyO. I did get a comment on instagram from a guy I know who wrote flat out “I don’t like it.” I so much appreciate honesty like that. I have no problem with people not liking it. I never expect everyone to like everything.
You touch on something really important in your comments re who we are viewed as older women, by society. I admit, that one of the reasons I was reluctant to go grey for so many years was exactly that invisibility aspect. I have noticed however, that happens much MORE in the U.S. than anywhere else. in Amsterdam for example there are tons of older women, grey hair, clearly no botox, embracing their age and yet attractive and interesting looking. Certainly not invisible. This has been my personal experience in Europe (France, Spain, Italy as well), whereas in the U.S once you are past a certain age, people look right past you. It was interesting a few years ago that France had a poll about France’s sexiest women and at that time, the three contenders were all in their forties, which doesn’t jive with the American Hollywood image where youth reigns and thus the ensuing pressure on women to look young at all costs.
Thank you for the applause. I do appreciate it. Your time will come when you do feel brave enough, because it is all about timing and the right time is different for every woman.
Funnily enough, now that my hair is buzzed, Ben strokes my head WAY more than he did when I had long hair!! SO you never know…..
Peta
I thought of that (the hair stroking) after I hit SEND. I bet your hair/head feels really good. xo
Fascinating to read about female ageism in other countries. Good to know! Here in the US, everyone ‘jokes’ around about how “old” they are, making ‘fun’ of the elderly (themselves included). I think these comments are counterproductive. I think we should shine a light of our time, no matter our age, and show off every blessed year of experience, adventure, and love.
It feels so good I keep stroking my head, much like I always do when my sons shave their hair off haha. Ben says, it’s like the fur of a little puppy 🙂
I am with you on not being a fan of people referring to themselves as old all the time. After all, age is just a number and for example, yogis believe that our age is determined by the health of our spine. In Asia, being older, is highly revered and respected and people look up to their seniors in a way that respects their wisdom gained over the years. A very different model from the U.S. isn’t it?
Peta, I applaud your decision to say no to hair dye. I am one of those few women who has never dyed my hair — although the decision has been easier for me as I inherited my father’s genes and only started to go grey in my 50s (all my younger siblings are greyer than I am). I did perm my hair briefly in a quest for curly hair back in the 90s, but smelling the stink of the chemicals caused me to question that choice. Surely having those chemicals all over my scalp could not be good for me!
You’re brave to have buzzed off your hair, after years of having long hair. That is a big change. It must feel so light and cool and easy compared to long hair.
As a longtime feminist, I don’t subscribe to media-supported pressure for women to look a certain way (shave off body hair, wear high heels, dye their hair, cover their skin with makeup, diet to be thin, have surgery to change their shape), especially given that many of these expectations have a negative effect on a person’s health. Also, as long as how a woman looks continues to be the primary talking point, I don’t think we will ever achieve true equality.
Jude
It does feel brave to have not only shaved my head, after more than twenty years of really long hair, but as well, to not be dyeing my hair in conjunction with that. So yeah, two leaps of faith, bravery, call it what you will 🙂
I appreciate your articulate summary of the current state of gender inequality. I think this inequality is perhaps more pronounced in the U.S. compared to say for example France, which has both had a history of women in power, ie a woman as prime minister, and at the same time has a culture of celebrating the female form. For some reason in France it does not seem to be an either, or, proposition.
France as well, has a cultural trait of less ageism than that in the United States. A woman is seen as entering her prime years in her forties… whereas in the U.S. which is driven by Hollywood, a woman is seen as too old once she turns 30.
Interesting topics here Jude.
Peta
Enjoyed your thoughts, changes and photo series here, Peta. Anyone who has lived and had their hair dyed in all those countries, just rocks. Your new do is beautiful.
Jet, I have to say I am still chuckling. I love this comment about the amount of countries that I have had my hair dyed in! Haha, nice.
Peta
Peta, your confidence with the new look is all that matters. You look fantastic and now free from all those toxic hair chemicals, certainly a great result. I am looking forward to meeting you and Ben next week.
Thanks Gilda.
Looking forward to meeting you both as well! Welcome to Viet Nam!
Peta
Holy Crap! Your short hair looks FANTASTIC!! The long locks were pretty too – I am impressed you were able to grow hair that long. Mine just doesn’t grow anymore – wish it would just stop on the legs too. You have inspired me to think about the same when the time comes. YOU GO GIRL!
Well thank you Pam! Timing is definitely important. Years ago I was not ready to go grey… I actually wouldn’t even consider it. Short hair, well I always like to switch things up and get a cut, but I kept my long hair for years cos Ben was so adamant about it staying haha.
Peta
Oh my goodness, Peta. You looks so awesome and I love Ben’s description of your new look. When I see women with really short hair, I often envy them, but then tell myself that it wouldn’t suit me. Who knows, one day I might also take the plunge. After all, it’s only hair and will grow back again. Enjoy your new-found freedom.
Haha thanks Sylvia… I am pretty pleased that Ben is so happy with my shaved head! Short hair is SO easy and so much fun after years of braiding, detangling, conditioning etc. Worth a try ~ if you hate it, you can always grow it. Loving the freedom of it yes.
Peta
I think your hair looks fabulous! And I have seen many women with long, beautiful gray hair, too. So if you decide to grow it out again, it will look beautiful. Having had long hair most of my life, I envy the ease you must have now – especially in a hot and humid climate. No more hair on the back of your neck! Excellent!
Enjoy your new found freedom and your completely bad ass look!!
That is what I envisioned… long beautiful grey hair. Instead of brown it will be grey. But now, am so enjoying having a buzz that I am not so sure I will grow it. Well, at least not right away…. It’s great not dealing with long hair in a tropical climate and at the beach, I am really enjoying the change.
Thank you Laura for the compliments! I’ll take “bad ass”!
Peta
PETA. You look amazing! Love how you told the story..
As my son used to say when he was 2 years old “ I’m not you and you’re not me “. I still have to remember that line when I’m tempted to tell him what to do. Same goes for Bill, he knows not say I should lose weight or change my clothes or my hair. I’ll do what I want with my body etc. Guess after 43 years of marriage he has gotten used to my independence.
I’m actually pretty gray too and I like the softness. It is like free highlights. Glad we can stay connected this way.
Keep on being the independent and adventurous woman that is making a difference in the world, while looking fantastic!!
Thanks Marilyn for the appreciation for the story telling aspect. Good to hear from you and welcome to our Green Global Trek.
Your son had it right from a very young age…That’s a good one for us all to remember and try to live by (especially us moms haha, that’s not always easy).
“Free highlights” ~ I never thought of it that way, but I like that!
Thanks for the lovely compliments. So sweet.
Peta
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!! Seriously Peta! There wasn’t a hair on my head (and I got tons as you know haha) that doubted you could pull this off! You do look rad, sexy, strong and seriously BAD ASS! I agree with you, Ben! And it must be soooooooo f***ing easy. Sometimes I dream about it… but not ready quite yet 😉
I also really liked the cuckatoooooo photo! Oh man, that made me laugh so hard!
Love you both! We have to find a new play date soon! Kiki is so funny, a real performer. Would love for us all to hang out soon xx
Baré!! I have no idea where my accent went.. if there’s one thing I really dislike it’s seeing my name spelled incorrectly! haha
Kris, I am honestly surprised at how many people seem to really like the buzzed look. I got some initial dubious feedback from both my mother and Ben’s mother… neither of them were crazy about it. Hey, I had to get used to it myself. But somehow, am NOT surprised that you love it. 🙂 And hell yes, it is soooo f*** easy, it’s great! I don’t even need a brush!
Every single morning he pulled the cockatoo line on me… too funny. Then again, I did wake up with some seriously weird hair dos.
Would love to see you all again soon. Yes, we have to make it happen. Huge hugs and love to Rasa and to adorable Kiki!
xoxo
P.S.
Ben says: “Don’t cure your gorgeous curly red hair yet!”
P.S.
Ben says: “Don’t cut your gorgeous curly red hair yet!”
No need to worry About that quite yet Ben 😉 xx
Oh, Peta, I smiled all the way through reading your post. I’m not sure about the total buzz, but I absolutely loved your short hair cut.
I had long (really long) hair my entire life before cutting it shoulder length in my mid 20’s.
When we retired from our careers, left California and relocated to Oregon to own/operate our B&B, I didn’t want to deal with long hair in the kitchen, as I prepared all the meals. So, I cut my hair short, chin length and after getting used to that I cropped it even shorter, which is how I still wear it now. But, I kept coloring it.
I started coloring the gray decades ago, I don’t know for how many years, I can’t even remember.
Fast forward, sold our B&B, relocated to the east coast. In 2015 we traveled for 3 months in Europe and 35 days of that included walking 350 miles across Spain on the Camino de Santiago.
By the time we reached Porto, two months in to our trip and after we walked the Camino, my hair looked like absolute shit. No color, no cut, completely dried out from 35 days sun exposure with no quality hair care, it was awful.
The first thing I did in Porto was find a hair salon, get a good shampoo and cut. I’ll never forget the young woman who cut my hair kept saying, it’s so white, it’s so white. Ha! It was on that very day that I said, “Fuck it!” I’m going gray (or white). I never looked back.
I’ve always believed walking the Camino de Santiago gave me the strength to embrace the gray.
Good for you!
Thanks for your interesting comments Patti. We enjoyed reading your story of your metamorphosis. So glad I didn’t have to endure the 350 mile walk to get to the decision to stop dyeing my hair. Well, whatever it takes. Well done on the Camino, that was quite a feat!!
Peta
From “Maya”:
OMG Peta! LOOOVE LOVE LOOVE the new do! It suits you so well!! I feel inspired although I am still not in the place to chop off my hair! How liberating this cut must have felt! And how much time you now have (don’t have to wash your long locks that long!). Will you be trimming it by yourself now, at home?
Hahah I gotta love all that enthusiasm!! Definitely does feel liberating as it is SO easy after long hair. Especially in a tropical climate.
Am thinking of re buzzing it off… that’s how much I am enjoying this, now that I am used to it. Seeing as Ben did such a great job, I’ll use him again for the next round. When it starts to grow out maybe I’ll go back to the Vietnamese barber and give him a second chance. Haha.
Peta
Reading the comments your readers wrote at the bottom of this post makes one realize how empowering what you’ve done really is. Apart from your bravery, I love how you and Ben compromised to make this a gradual change as opposed to a swift and radical one. In broader contexts, this sort of middle way actually works best for many circumstances in my opinion as it still allows change to happen but without alienating those who have doubts in the beginning. Thanks for mentioning about this!
Bama, it’s good to read you. I am so pleased with all the interesting feedback, it really has been fascinating to read everyones stories and viewpoints.
Credit definitely goes to Ben for coming with a strategy that worked for both of us. Left to my own devices I would have gone straight to the buzz, and in retrospect am so pleased I went through a few steps to create change. And yes, that I compromised. And as you point out, we both did. Thank you.
Peta
Hi Peta, I just found your blog, because you had found mine! Thank you for sharing the process, the photographs and the journey of your decisions about your hair. I love that you chose to do it in stages, that you are willing to consider Ben’s feelings but still stand for what you needed to do. I also love the fact that when all was said and done he thought it looked great. Badass! In retrospect, are you glad that you chose to make these changes in stages and engage in conversations about it? When I was a younger wife I was happy to keep my hair long because my husband liked it, but as I have moved through my sixties have noticed that it has gotten thinner on top. I am glad that it is not bald, but at this point in my life and marriage, I am less willing to consider his opinion and more focused on what I need in terms of my hair. My mother started coloring her hair in her mid 40’s’ and kept it up until she was 82, then she let it go grey. I am not psychologically prepared to be fully grey yet, but I still have a lot of brown hair (check my profile pic on Gravatar or WordPress). Thanks for sharing. Blessings for the journey. looking forward to more posts. Michele
Hi Michele and welcome to our Green Global Trek!
In answer to your question, yes, I am very pleased that I made the changes I did in various stages. Firstly, it was fun having an asymmetrical cut and now I know that the style suits me, should I decide to go back to it at some point. And yes, engaging in conversation with Ben about it was a fun and interesting process. Because of our lifestyle we are together way more than the average couple… as a result we enjoy taking the time to strategize and sculpt life, from the small decisions to the larger ones. It’s all a worthwhile process for us.
Yes, it is ALL about the timing and being ready. I don’t miss my brown hair, but I was definitely surprised to see that a lot of my hair is black (compared with the natural brown I always have had). I guess hair color changes as we age, in more ways than one.
Great story on your mom finally relenting to go grey in her eighties 🙂
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to write your thoughts for us to read.
Peta
Your decision is a good one and by doing it in stages you eased into the new you. For what it’s worth I like you with short hair. I’m what is referred to in the hair salons as gronde [gray + blonde]. After decades of blonde highlights it’s freeing to let the gray do it’s silvery thing. Hope you like your new color, too.
Hi Ally, nice to read you here.
I have been surprised by how many people like the buzzed hair. I have never heard of the gronde terminology, 🙂 that’s funny. Easier to go through the transition with blonde hair, no doubt.
With regards to highlights, as Marilyn wrote in a comment above, she thinks of the grey as “free highlights”.
I do like my new natural color,and am quite fascinated by it. No idea where my natural brown hair went and why I have black hair instead of brown growing out… mixed in with the grey and silver. A lot of unusual and unexpected designs in there. Now I am curious to see how things transpire moving forward…
Thanks for stopping by to read us and to leave your feedback.
Peta
From “Monica P”:
Firstly that adorable video of you having it cut was soooooo cute…you looked like that same cutest little girl you always were…so young and a little cheeky and funny and all those things we used to write…and i have to add :simply adorable!!
You know Pete..you have been blessed with being forever young !both in spirit and body(i guess that figures)…
I love your patience for answering the myriad of ladies who love you(and in whom you really touched a deep spot inside…all of us facing aging.
Ahhh Mon these comments made me chuckle and smile so much. Nice you enjoyed the video so much, which captured my 1st moment of bravery in this journey ~ awww thanks.
I do think that age is mostly a number and am sticking with the yogis philosophy, who believe that it is the health of your spine and its flexibility, in determining your age.
Not about patience in answering readers comments. I love answering them. We both SO enjoy the comments and all the feedback that we get on any of our posts. We put a lot of time and effort into writing our blog and we consider the comments our return on investment and are very appreciative and grateful for the support!
xoxox
Pete
Hi Peta, I enjoyed reading your hair process and wonder what’s going to be happening in the next few months with COVID-19 closing all the hairdressers and many of us not being able to colour roots. I’m officially growing my hair now and will take whatever colour comes my way. I am impressed with your determination to take it step by step and I think you look amazing. I still consider you to be very brave doing what you’ve done though!
Debbie, I have definitely been thinking about all the women whose roots are growing out and no salons that are open now and will not be for months to come. And I am pleased I have already gone through the process. Maybe the current situation will embolden others to just take the plunge, as you are doing!!
Thank you for the lovely compliments.
Peta
I love this post!!! I have just gone the other route, going from a mutt mix of hair colors (I used to be redhead) to gray (also on an undercut pixie) and love the freedom it has given me. I can wear colors now as the dowdy brown hair did not enhance any of my features. My roots are growing out (no hair salons open yet) but I kind of like it.
I just subscribed and will now check out the rest of the site.
The buzz looks great!!
Hi Ria, Welcome to our Green Global Trek! Thanks for reading us and leaving your feedback.
Yes, short hair is very freeing after the maintenance that long hair requires, for sure. I am sure you are in very good company with many other women who cannot go to the salon and have their roots growing out, like it or not. Good thing you are embracing it. So glad I did that just when I did….a few months before the pandemic when circumstances would have led me to the same place. However, I prefer that it was a conscious choice on my part.
Thanks for the compliment on the buzz. I really did enjoy that short short cut, but am now growing it out as it is fun to see what it looks like in its natural state.
Peta
really shoprt hairs are so comfortable but on the other hand long hairs looks beautyful